Beyond Awakening: The Resources that Shaped Me

For those of you who have come to know me, I imagine one of the things that stands out most is my passion for vampire community knowledge, resources, books, videos, and archival materials. I’m forever dropping by and letting people know there is a book, website, or documentary that answers their questions or aligns with their personal experiences. On discord, I host a monthly Community Media History thread where I share videos, interviews, books, images, articles, and other such information that I find historically, sociologically, or informationally significant to vampire culture—especially those of us who only have access to the community online. I really do try to live up to my role as Coven historian, both documenting the living history of my local Halo (Mobtown Represent! I feel the need to share with you that a number of crows are gathering and cawing outside my window as I write this), and by sharing knowledge of my time in the community and collecting books, videos, and other such resources in my humble little Vampyre Library.

Resources and information sharing have been such a huge part of my recent years in the community that it felt like a missed opportunity to not be speaking more openly about the resources that really shaped me. The formative and foundational, documentaries, websites, books and community forums that gave me my start on the journey into myself and into vampirism as a whole. Many of these resources are now offline, out of print, or hard to track down without already knowing they exist, and that is why information gathering and sharing is so important to me.

At the time of my awakening, I felt like I was swimming in a vast sea of vampire resources—some good, some bad, some bullshit—I could track down so much of the community and its knowledge with a simple Google search, or by following web rings and affiliate lists on websites and communities I really liked. A few years ago I had the experience of trying to look up an old resource and finding it offline, and then another, and another. I was alarmed at how many of my old haunts seemed to be gone or at least long inactive. I was heartbroken by how many books were out of print or wildly expensive to buy second hand. It really got me thinking. If I know these places and materials exist and I am struggle to track them down, how fucking hard is it for young and newly awakening vampires to find the answers, resources, and community they need? Do they even know we’re out here? That there is a wealth of knowledge and experience here and ready to help support them through the journey? 

So I present to you a list of resources that really made a big impact on my early awakening and journey. This is meant to serve in part as a list of sources that may be helpful to other newly awakening folks, and in part a historical record of what my personal experience in the community was like, a snapshot of just how much information I was able to find on my own circa 2005. 

The Resources that Shaped Me

1. The Secret Life of Vampires

Resource Type: Television Documentary
Network: A&E

Release Date: October 28, 2005

Applicable Links: [weirdly shady] IMDb page, Synopsis posted to Vampire Rave, the Documentary itself (parts 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12) 

Notable Community Members Involved: M. Belanger, Father Sebastiaan, Lady CG, Lestat Orion, Vlad & Sky, Raven OrthaeVelve, Don Henrie, Patrick Rodgers 

Notable Researchers Consulted: Katherine Ramsland, Rosemary Ellen Guiley, and David J. Skal

This was my absolute first exposure to the concept of “real vampires” and the vampire community. It blew my mind and opened up the doorway to a great deal of exploration. The documentary is entertaining, educational, and decently balanced when it comes to perspectives. You get first hand statements and footage of community members and events, as well as the perspectives of academics, and even a few folks who just think it’s all pretend or a fun sex thing people do on the weekends. This documentary opened up a lot for me and gave me one hell of a starting point for exploring the community. So many people were mentioned and as well as explicit mentions of the recently published Psychic Vampire Codex and Practical Vampyrism for Modern Vampyres, both of which I would acquire as soon as it was safe for me to do so, and Don Henrie’s recent appearance on Mad Mad House get a good amount of attention as well.

 

2. Sanguinarius.org 

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?: Yes. The Vampire Community Message Board  (VCMB) was tied to it, as well as an IRC channel, and something of a personals ad section

Webmaster: Sanguinarius or Sangi for short (Elisabeth Bishop)

• Sanguinarius passed away on August 3, 2015

Publication Date: Spring 1997

Current Status: Offline as of late 2022/early 2023

Applicable Links: Earliest Wayback Machine Capture, Most Recent Wayback Machine Capture, YouTube Video Deep Dive, VVC’s announcement of Sanguinarius’s death, Article about Sangi’s death, Sangi’s memorial page, The Vampire Church’s 2001 Interview with Sangi, Sangi entry on An Other Wiki

Sanguinarius.org was my first major online resources and well as one of the most thorough ones I came across. I referred back to it all the time, hungry for updates and to explore everything I could in it’s [what felt at the time like infinite] pages. There was a lot of information, a gathering of resources, articles from many contributors, personal opinion and anecdotes from Sangi herself, and commentary on the community at large and its history up until that point. There was a lexicon of community related terms and lingo, and community survey asking what people believed vampires were like— both of which were eventually published as paperback books. This site was one of few with a teen section, and even though I wasn’t quite old enough (the teen section was targeted at 17 year olds), I ate that content up as I waited to be of age to really step into the community. Sanguinarius.org was an extremely well rounded resource, and one that always maintained a strong sanguinarian focus, even as parts of the community became almost exclusively psi vamp centric. 

 

3. Vampires of Eternal Night (VOEN, later TrueForm Within) 

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?: Yes

Webmaster: VampireKitten 

Publication Date: 2003, became TrueForm Within circa 2006 

Current Status: Offline as of 2009
Applicable Links: Earliest Capture Under the TrueForm Name, Most Recent Way Back Machine Capture (the wayback machine captures seem a bit buggy as of the time of this writing, and I cannot seem to locate a capture of when the website was VOEN)

Vampire of Eternal Night/TrueForm Within was my first home in the online vampire community. I met the webmaster, VampireKitten in a Neopets guild and joined her website forum community soon after. As a teen herself at the time, her website was largely teen centric and very sympathetic to the fact that many vampires awaken in their early adolescence and have nowhere to go until they reach adulthood. The nature of the community and its knowledge is incredibly adult, and potentially dangerous especially where sanguinary matters are concerned, and sharing this sort of information with minors can potentially have a great deal of legal consequences and other harm, so barring minors from community spaces is an unfortunate CYA we have to deal with. That doesn’t, however, change the fact that teens and adolescents need support and vetted resources on vampirism to help them navigate their awakening. A teen centric space run by a fellow teen was a life saver for me at the time and really bridged the gap for many years in my early community tenure. Eventually, VK turned 18 and needed to overhaul how the website and community would work after she reached adulthood, but the teen section still remained for the most part and it saw me through so much of my journey. This community also had lots of space for therians and otherkin, with VK being a therianthrope herself if I remember correctly. I was really able to explore some of my personal otherkin identity in that community as well as theorize about why my vampirism might manifest the way it does or what possible causes might be. 

VampireKitten also had a podcast venture on a website called Planet Paranormal. Initially named Darkened Souls, but eventually renamed TrueForm Within to match the website, the podcast was hosted by VK and her then boyfriend and they talked about topics such as vampires, therians, otherkin, witchcraft, paganism, cryptids, and the paranormal. 

I really wouldn’t be who I am today or have the handle on my vampirism that I have without VampireKitten and TrueForm Within. I’m forever grateful. 

 

4. SphynxCat’s Real Vampire Support Page  

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?: Yes

Webmaster: SphynxCatVP

Publication Date: 1999

Current Status: Offline as of 2021

Applicable Links: Earliest Way Back Machine Capture, Most Recent Way Back Machine Capture

A long standing favorite resource that again had lots of good information for sanguinarians and blood drinking. This website didn’t shy away from any of the practical realities around drinking and drawing blood. It was upfront about harm reduction, donor care, sexual feeding, health and safety information for both parties including blood testing and regular medical checkups. There was also a lot of good focus on science and things like nutrition and other more mundane things that could possibly be mistaken for vampirism. There were also a good amount of articles from other contributors and a good amount of personal anecdotal accounts of vampiric experience.  Reading first hand accounts on everything from awakening, coming out, feeding experimentation, blood rage, being otherkin or spiritually nonhuman, the hard side of being a vampire and not being able to get what you need in terms of blood or energy. While the site was not explicitly teen centric, it did have the stance that sometimes teens need that information and harm reduction is very important so they would prefer to keep the website open to all rather than the common (and understandable) approach of “You kids better not be here!”. 

 

5. The Psychic Vampire Codex

Resource Type: Book 

Author: M. Belanger 

Publication Date: First Edition: July 1, 2004 Second Edition: September 18, 2023

Current Status: Second Edition available now! 

Easily Acquired?: Available directly from M. Belanger and on Amazon as of 2023. Previously out of print 

Approximate Price: $25 

Applicable Links: Order Direct from M. Belanger, E-Book Version, Amazon Listing, Sacred Text Link (to an abridged early version), Buy 1st edition copies, previously live streamed interview discussing the second edition

Publisher’s Synopsis: What is a psychic vampire? How do I know if I am one? Isn’t psychic vampirism a bad thing? Can I use the energy work techniques in this book even if I’m not a psychic vampire?

The Psychic Vampire Codex is the first book written by a vampire for the vampire community. Most books about psychic vampires focus on how to defend yourself against them; this foundational text reframes the vampire as healer and energy worker, and offers potent, practical tools for vampires and non-vampires alike to reimagine their relationship with energy.

In The Psychic Vampire Codex, M. Belanger, author, researcher, and psychic vampire, introduces readers to the fascinating system of energy work used by vampires themselves and provides the actual codex text widely used by the vampire community for instruction in feeding and other energetic techniques. Belanger also examines the ethics of vampirism and offers readers effective, down to earth methods of protection from unethical vampires.

The Psychic Vampire Codex explodes all preconceptions and myths about who and what psychic vampires really are, and reveals a vital and profound spiritual tradition based on balance, rebirth, and an integral relationship with the spirit world.

“I can say without a doubt that you hold in your hands one of the most important occult books of the early 21st century. With deep metaphysical roots, M. Belanger pioneers new ground doing for the archetype of Vampire much as Doreen Valiente and Gerald Gardner did for the Witch; dispelling misunderstandings, bringing healing, and helping people find their own truth. This book challenged me and changed my previous perspectives. It could do the same for you.” – Christopher Penczak, author of the Temple of Witchcraft series and The Mighty Dead

“Whether you’re a practitioner of energy work, a student of metaphysical disciplines, or simply curious about the complexities of the human psyche, this book has transformative lessons to offer. A must-read for anyone serious about the intricacies of energy work, occultism, and personal development.” – Mat Auryn, author of Psychic Witch

Like so many, this book really blew my mind and broke my world open. Not only did I learn so many new concepts and techniques for energy feeding, energy work in general, and what it could mean to be a psychic vampire, but this book gave me a lot of language and reassurance about a lot of things I was already doing naturally or instinctively. M. Belanger’s work is incredibly foundational for the vampire community at large, and personally foundational in my own journey as well. They really articulated so many things I was going through that I was never able to put into words. There were so many things that I was doing and it was nice to know I wasn’t alone and what was going on with me was real. Other people had these feelings and experiences as well, and the psychic elements were way more tangible than I had been raised to believe. For years, my only version was the free sacred texts version, but that alone was a life saver, and by the time I was able to get my hands on the expanded published version, I learned so much. The second edition is refreshing in that the language is more inclusive and we get to see how 20 years of time have impacted both the community and the contents of the text itself. There is a slightly different perspective on how all this information works together, or how it may or may not apply to individuals in the community. One thing time has shown us is there is a lot more diversity of experience than we ever really accounted for, and there are no real universal truths. House Kheperu’s motto of “Seek Your Own Truth” became an accidental compass for me along my vampiric journey, and boy did I fight long and hard to seek and reconcile my truth. Combining what I learned in this book and Lady CG’s book was a major part of my foundation. 

6. Practical Vampyrism for Modern Vampyres

Resource Type: Book 

Author: Lady CG

Publication Date: August 16, 2005

Current Status: Out of Print 

Easily acquired?: Available on Amazon 

Approximate price: $30 

Applicable Links: Amazon listing 

Publisher’s Synopsis: Practical Vampyrism for Modern Vampyres is the first Handbook for the Modern Vampyre Communities. Filled with practical advice for those learning to cope with the early stages of vampyrism, through to Second Awakening, it is written with humour and compassion, in hopes of providing a light at the end of a dark tunnel for those of walking the dark path, often alone. Practical Vampyrism is the culmination of over 10 years of articles written for the online communities, in hope that a time will come when NO ONE has to go through the stages of Vampyrism alone.

Written from a sanguinarian point of view, this book includes blood substitutes, recipes, and good exploration into some of the skills and abilities vampyres often have as well as touching on some aspects of the community and Lady CG’s research on vampyric aging. This book was very helpful for me as a young Sanguinarian trying to navigate all this stuff as well as manage intense blood cravings. Having practical tangible advice, skills, and knowledge was a major game changer. Lady CG is kind, nurturing, patient, and charming. She has an openness and honesty about her that I really found welcoming and endearing at a time where the community was a bit cold in many areas. Finding out about her and the book through that documentary eventually lead me to her forum community, Smoke and Mirrors. 

After I became an adult,  S&M became my second VC home and I learned and grew so much there. I was really able to safely explore the sanguinary side of my nature in great depth there and met some really lovely and knowledgeable people. In my time at Smoke & Mirrors I had a front row seat to watch Lady CG and other Elders discuss vampiric aging and what they started to call “second stage vampirism”. I got to see and hear so many first hand anecdotes and reports of the way vampirism might impact the aging process and the way aging changes your needs and experiences as a vampire. So much valuable information was shared so openly and with such vulnerability. Lady CG was regularly participating in large scale discussions and online conferences on vampiric aging. Also while at S & M, I got to witness Winged Wolf discussing their experiences with spirit attachments and things like vampire symbionts. The topic was fascinating for me and something I wasn’t seeing discussed too much in many other places. It was met with a lot of strong feelings and reactions, and remained a hit button topic for a while, hitting close to home for many people, as it often posed questions like “if you could potentially cure or remove your vampiric nature, Would you?” With discussion of removal of attachments or symbionts, from people whose vampirism might be caused by such attachments. Things got so intense surrounding the topic, that it was eventually banned from discussion if I am remembering correctly. S&M exposed me to a lot of different viewpoints and information that I hadn’t really come across before. 

7. Vampires in their Own Words

Resource Type: Book 

Editor: M. Belanger 

Publication Date: September 8, 2007

Current Status: Out of Print

Easily acquired?: Used copies Available on Amazon and other used book sellers

Approximate price: currently, used copies are selling for around $7 but pricing varies wildly 

Applicable Links: Amazon Listing

Publisher’s synopsis: The Code of Silence Has Been Broken

For this anthology, vampire Michelle Belanger convinced nearly two dozen real-life vampires to break the code of silence that has kept their fascinating subculture shrouded in secrecy.

Sometimes provocative, sometimes surprisingly down-to-earth, these candid firsthand accounts come from both psi vampires who feed on energy and sanguine vampires who drink actual blood. Their true stories shed light on a variety of topics, including awakening to vampirism, the compulsion to feed and feeding practices, donor ethics and etiquette, and vampire traditions and codes of behavior.

Oh man, the amount of memories I have of being in high school and sneaking around to try to read this book after school, at friends’ houses, or while I wasn’t occupied during rehearsals for the school musical. 😅 By the time this book came out, I had a little more freedom, so I went to the mall with some friends and used some of my birthday cash to buy myself a copy. This was my first real exposure to looking at the vampire community through a more sociological lens. It covered so much ground, and shared so many different perspectives. There was input from people from houses, and folks from Gotham, NOLA, Atlanta and other major halos. Some folks were members of houses or covens, while others had no ties to any formal organizations. The book even includes a few non vampire perspectives on the community. Different folks and groups sharing their different philosophies, world views, personal experiences and making in vampirism and our community culture. The book discusses awakening, different definitions of what makes a vampire, feeding matters of both a blood and energy variety, ethics & codes of conduct, vampiric orders, houses and covens, as well as being a vampire in a Pagan community. There is so much packed into this little book and yet it barely scratches the surface on the wonderful diversity of our community and the variation in vampiric experiences. It’s a fun jumping off point to a more sociological and historical approach to vampirism and the community at large. 

Bonus points on the cover as well, The cover image is stunning and evocative, and the shiny red foil still makes my spooky little heart happen when the light reflects off of it. 

 

8. Drink Deeply and Dream

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?:  Yes

Webmaster: MemoryandDream 

Publication Date: 1998

Current Status: Online but Inactive as of August 4, 2011

Applicable Links: Website Link, Earliest Way Back Machine Capture, 

Drink Deeply and Dream is a community classic that has a beautiful and evocative name. I didn’t spend quite as much time here as I did on some of the other sites, but it was definitely a major player and heavy hitter in my journey. Some of my more vivid memories of this site included a really straightforward, no nonsense way of communicating and all the merch they had available for sale. I wanted DDD t-shirts so bad! One of the things I really liked about this website was it housed a section about vampire fiction and didn’t try to pretend that real vampires don’t enjoy the good vampire novel, movie, or game. The website stands out with its Vampire Guides starting at Vampire 101, going all the way up to Vampire 801. This website always felt like a really digestible, bite sized starting point—a good alternative to the super dense, article packed, information megahubs of  websites like Sanguinarius and SphynxCat’s sites. 

9. Vampire Zilchy’s “Vampire Q&A” YouTube Channel

Resource Type: YouTube Channel (short form video content, when YouTube had video time limits of about 10 minutes) 

Release Date: Some time around 2009 or so

Around 2009, a vampire called Zilchy began a series of Q&A style YouTube videos where he handled frequently asked questions about vampires and the vampire community, heavily invested in dispelling myths and improving the perception of vampires in general public. The videos were simple and accessible for people who struggled with written resources or who couldn’t safely or financially access of obtain books. The videos became pretty popular and Zilchy did a few interviews and I believe was involved in some of the research efforts. If I’m not mistaken, Zilchy is still listed on the VVC website as a member. One day he fell off the face of the internet and I honestly have no idea what happened to him or what kind of person he might’ve been, but his content was formative for me in my early years. I have not been able to locate hardly any content of his or mention him in quite some time. 

 

10. The South African Vampyre Culture Center

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?: Yes, but it appears to be offline 

Webmaster: Octarine Valur 

Publication Date: January 23, 2012

Current Status: Online, seemingly inactive (history timeline hasn’t been updated since 2013) 

Applicable Links: Website Link, The Vampyre Community History Project 

One of the more thorough and extensive websites of Vampyre culture and history and one of the few VC websites to take a more scholarly, big picture approach to the subject of vampirism and our subculture. Their website includes information on the Vampyre culture both from within the VC and from the perspective of researchers and academics and any relevant studies. They have a section shedding light on non-VC websites posing as VC resources for various reasons, often ill intentioned. Based in South Africa, they have a well rounded, international focus and perspective that a lot of VC websites lack. Notable for its impressive timeline of relevant Vampire History (historic, folkloric, fictional and Real Vampire Subculture) all over the word, dating back to prehistory. This is the project that has really inspired me as a Vampyre Historian and their work really fuels my journey. I know I can do this, because folks have been doing it and sharing it with the community for years. 

11. Atlanta Vampire Alliance

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?: yes

Webmaster: Merticus 

Publication Date: 2005

Current Status: Online, last update appears to be in 2018 

Applicable Links: Website Link 

The Atlanta Vampire Alliance was founded and went online the same year I entered the online community, 2005. I’ve always had a bit of an affinity for the AVA and their related projects ever since. Their website hosts a good amount of community wide info including a community lexicon, books, publications, press and research related to the VC, information on safety and abuse awareness and a few donor support resources. 

 

Suscitatio Enterprises, LLC

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?: yes

Webmaster: Merticus 

Publication Date: March 2006

Current Status: Online 

Applicable Links: Website Link

Perhaps most notably, Merticus and other members of the AVA launched Suscitatio Enterprises, LLC , the organization that conducted the Vampirism & Energy Work Research Study (VEWRS)  and Advanced Vampirism & Energy Work Research Survey (AVEWRS) from 2006-2009–the most extensive, internal research study conducted about, for, and by members of the VC. Another organization and resource that really inspired me to document, study, and preserve information on vampyres and Vampyre culture. They saw vampirism and the VC through a really broad, big picture lens and that has left a lasting impression on me. 

 

12. Voices of the Vampire Community 

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?: No

Webmaster: Merticus

Publication Date: January 2006

Current Status: Online 

Applicable Links: Website Link, Discussion Meeting Transcripts,

Mission Statement: The purpose of the Voices of the Vampire Community (VVC) is to develop friendly relations among the various Houses, Covens, Orders, organizations, and individual leaders of the vampire community; to encourage cooperation in solving community related problems and in promoting respect for the views, ideas, and opinions of others without seeking to establish a unifying or governing body; and to be a center for harmonizing the actions of groups in attaining these ends.

Most of my time on the VVC’s website was spent on its huge listing of member bios. I loved to read about every single person there, the organizations they represented, the work they were doing for the community, and their philosophies on vampirism and the community at large. Made up of vampires and donors from all walks of life, all ages, all over the world, many of the members could be see in interviews, documentaries, books, news stories, and television programs, and many more were seen all over the community creating archiving content and resources,  building spaces, communities and support systems for vampires and donors alike.  I always marveled at how impactful these people were, to me personally and for the greater community. A small part of teenage-me wanted to be like them, whatever that meant. Perhaps I wanted the freedom to speak openly about my vampirism and express myself in my dayside. Perhaps I wanted to be as confident in my personal knowledge and experience as a Vampyre. Maybe I wanted to help others the way their work helped me, or maybe I simply wanted to belong—to be recognized as “Vampyre”. A young fledgling hungry for validation and acceptance. 

The VVC’s website hosts a very broad, general FAQ on Vamprisim and the VC meant to cover as many bases as possible. The website also hosts the transcripts of the VVC’s public discussion meetings from 2008-2013, as well as some Global Community Discussion meetings from 2009. I definitely recommend giving some of them a read when you have the time!  

 

13. House Eclipse

Resource Type: Website 

• Forum Component?: Yes

Webmaster: Raven OrthaeVelve 

Publication Date: October 12th, 2003

Current Status: Offline as of  2022

Applicable Links: Earliest Way Back Machine Capture, Most Recent Way Back Machine Capture, The AVA’s Comprehensive Vampire Dictionary 

House Eclipse was an organization and Vampyre House that served the greater Washington D.C. and Baltimore, MD metropolitan areas. I used to spend hours on their website, daydreaming about being old enough and ready enough to reach out and see if I might be a good candidate for membership. I was so very hungry for an in person community and often fantasized about becoming a member of a vampire house or coven. House Eclipse is also notable for often coming up with their own names or variations on terms for concepts in the community. You can see bits from their lexicon archived on the AVA website. 

***

 

After compiling this list, it occurs to me that I am a product of a time in the community where information sharing, support, research studies both within and outside of the community, global community cooperation attempts and heightened media attention intertwined. That created what feels like a boom of resources, communities, and new community members. The amount of communities and places that were documenting history, archiving materials, and participating in various types of research really impacted the lens through which I view our community.

It’s also not lost on me how many of the resources or communities were connected to or produced other resources and materials. Everything felt like a big web or information and possibilities. There was so much I could explore on my own without much guidance, but also there were so many community spaces where I could seek guidance and support from (to varying effect. Some spaces were great at it, others more hostile, most a mixed bag of a weird in-between thing). The community today doesn’t quite feel like that to me. Perhaps I’m getting old and jaded, but it does really seem like so many of our resources are getting lost or harder to find. I encounter so many newer people who have never even heard of many of the websites and resources that were lifelines for me during my awakening. 

At the very first VVC public meeting, April 27, 2008, the first question posed to the collective was “Why do you devote your time and energy to this community—-why are you here?” Many of the community leaders of the day responded with something along the lines of ‘People need the resources. People need support and I don’t ever want anyone going through this alone like I had to. This community has given me so much and I want to give something back.” I’m definitely right there with them. This community and its resources have given me so many tools, so many resources, and so many avenues to explore myself and my path. I’ve had a long journey of trial and error, experimentation, and struggle over the last 20 years both within the community and in my private journey. It’s so important to me that no one has to do that alone or come up in a hostile community. I want to do what I can to help, to give back, to provide resources, and offer my support. May this resource list serve you as well as it served me. 🖤