My Vampyre Awakening Story

by Surge Corvinae

There were signs throughout my life that I was a vampyre. However, growing up in a Christian home and later followed by willful ignorance, I did not allow myself to explore it until much later in life.

When I was around the age of seven, I had gifts that began manifesting. It began with dream-state premonitions, developed into seeing and hearing spirits, and occasionally seeing what’s known as “shadow people.” To the church, anything viewed as witchcraft, “you’re an agent of Satan and going to Hell.” Over the next few years, I began having nightmares where there was separation from God, going to Hell, and things of that nature. As a child, this was traumatizing; I guess it would be for any age. I eventually stopped engaging with my gifts and anything viewed as witchcraft, I avoided.

However, in 1995, around the age of 14, I began feeling a constant hunger. No matter what I ate, it wasn’t enough. I physically felt full, but it wasn’t “filling”; the hunger was still there. The only time the hunger subsided is when I was around others. I was drained from the experience because, you know—people. Although my social battery was dead, the hunger had ceased, at least for the time being. However, due to things happening in my home life, I began to withdraw from my friends and family. I ultimately left public school and became home schooled. I also stopped going to church, and when home, I stayed secluded in my room, at least until I was 16 and moved into my own place.

The problem, though, was when I stopped socializing with others, the hunger became stronger and more constant. I couldn’t focus and constantly had low energy, some days to where I couldn’t get out of bed. Although I sometimes allowed my depression to get the better of me, this felt different. I didn’t really investigate this, though. Although I left the church, I was still hesitant to explore any part of my spirituality, as I was still holding onto Christian trauma.

In 1999, after I turned 18, although I was still very much a loner, I would frequent a club that allowed 18-year-olds in but would have to wear a stamp that was a symbol for “no drinking.” I didn’t know what I was; all I knew was that when I was surrounded by others, the hunger would subside. It was at this club that I met my girlfriend. I was instantly drawn to her, and she to me. I couldn’t explain at the time why this was. What I came to find out, though, is that she was a real vampire. After a couple of weeks of going out with her, I went with her to her friends’ house. While there, the three of them openly talked about being real vampires and engaging in blood fetishes. This was the first time I heard of real vampires. They then told me about a website where they would talk to other real vampires. I do not recall the name of this website. I shared my experiences with them and asked if this meant I was a real vampire. I was told no because actively feeding on blood was not a part of my experience. I accepted this answer for what it was. Had I found out then that this was the case, I probably wouldn’t have done anything with this information anyway, as I was still having a spiritual war with myself. Shortly after, my girlfriend and I broke up.

Over the next few years, I would wane back and forth with my spirituality. I would explore, practice, feel guilty about practicing, and quit again. I would still go to clubs, though, to get what I knew I needed without knowing why it was needed. I mean, it wasn’t really hurting anyone, so I thought. This continued for many years.

It was in 2005 when I was 24 that I decided to stop wavering with my spirituality. I finally decided I was going to work through the Christian trauma that was instilled in me. I knew I loved studying witchcraft and engaging in it. I simply needed to get over the guilt and unlearn everything I was taught through the lens of Christianity. This was easier said than done. The path I explored was Wicca. When I first began exploring witchcraft in my early teens, I would study all things Wiccan, love and light, and all that—everything I wasn’t. Then came Facebook. I created my profile and joined a couple Wiccan groups. In one of the groups, there was a post about “energy/psi vampires.” Like, what, wait, that is a thing?! This is what I have been looking for. So, I began to read the post and research anything else I could find on energy/psi vampires, which wasn’t much that I had access to. What I did find on the subject wasn’t good. Energy/psi vampyres were painted in a very negative light. All I could find was how harmful they are. I began to reflect on all the times I fed that hunger over the years; all this did was bring on more guilt. It was another 10 years before I found myself open to engaging with my vampyric nature.

During that 10-year period of my life, though, I began to learn how to exchange energy as well as block energy. Because of the guilt I felt from feeding, I realized what I was doing was harmful, not just to myself but potentially dangerous to others. I would block myself from feeding and basically “starved” myself. I decided I would fake it until I made it. I wore a mask as if I was the happiest person ever and put on a show for the world, when in truth, I was miserable. Although I was in relationships, I wasn’t happy in them. I had many failed relationships, and I honestly didn’t care that they failed. Same with friendships. There are three, though, that even during this time are the world to me that always will be. But still, even around them, there was an underlying loneliness I couldn’t shake. I had eventually joined a local witch coven, which I left not long after. Nothing was enough; I was basically surviving, and it was a constant battle.

It was in 2015 when I decided to stop throwing myself a pity party and had enough of living this way. By then, more information on witchcraft, other than Wicca, was more accessible. I began exploring the darker side of the craft and working with Dark Goddesses. This was more to my liking and aligned with my truer path. It was by working with Dark Goddesses that I started to be more open to who I was and what I am. I stopped taking everything I read on witchcraft and energy/psi vampyres as the only truth and started to trust myself more, which to be honest, I am still having trouble with at times. I was finally ready to re-explore my vampyric nature. I felt like I was finally starting to find my footing. I was wrong. In exploring my new path, I had unleashed something that I didn’t know how to control at the time. I would often have dreams and visions through meditation of me fighting this dark being. When I saw this being, it always appeared in a black cloak and its face covered. I came to realize that the dark being was me. It was the part of me that I had deeply buried throughout my life. Once I realized this, I began working with it instead of trying to control or suppress it. It was once I started to accept myself—all of myself—that my whole life shifted in a positive way. It was shortly after this that I met my current partner, now husband, and finally successful in fostering healthy relationships.

In the beginning of the summer in 2021 is when I took real strides into the vampyre community, at least online. I began searching for vampire groups on FB. The Vampyre Coven was one of the few that popped up, which was weird to me because the group name was spelled with a “y.” This grabbed my attention and became the first vampyre group I joined. I did join other vampire/vampyre groups as well, but this was the group that seemed to foster a real sense of community. A month later, I joined the Discord server of The Vampyre Coven, where I became an active member and even more involved. It was within The Vampyre Coven that I found a deep sense of connection, learned valuable information, and through meaningful conversations and inner work, I really began to understand my vampyric nature as well as furthering my knowledge and skillset. I have learned and experienced what it was like to be a part of a vampyre community as well as learning the history of the GVC itself, the pros and cons, but it is within the VC I feel most at home.

At the beginning of 2023, I became a member of House Omnia Corvus, where I am honored to continue my journey as a vampyre. It is my hope that one day I have enough knowledge to be a resource for others along their journey on their vampyric path.

Author: Three Ravens in a Trench Coat

art by Aimee Lockwood