Hurlewain’s Curious Awakening

Turning the Page

I always felt there was something more than what my five senses were telling me which led me to explore witchcraft on my own and ask my father questions about ki. He showed me basic qigong, some Pranic Healing, and how to use ki to project spirit (shen) in a martial arts context. Something was still missing. I used to see shades, opaque figures, over all I felt haunted as a child. I wrote about these feelings through poetry and short stories, because of course it couldn’t be real. I found Konstantinos’ Nocturnal Witchcraft in high school and it really clicked with me deeper than Wicca by Scott Cunningham or the verbosity of Crowley or Levi. Nocturnal Witchcraft aligned with my love of all things dark. I had already immersed myself with the Satanic Bible I kept hidden, so I had the LaVeyan perspective, and was familiar with Hekate and now I had the Nocturnal perspective. Nocturnal Witchcraft and my explorations with Hekate helped me feel comfortable in my haunted perceptions, but I still couldn’t find comfort in that missing piece. I had no word for it. Longing? Obsession? Fantasy?

I already had a copy of Vampires: The Occult Truth also by Konstantinos which alluded to a loose Vampyre Community which piqued my interest, but it was mainly an essay on folklore. This was back before Amazon and the boom of e-commerce, so these books were lucky finds. Back when bookstores were found in every mall and you couldn’t just search and click for any title under the sun. You got what you came across so I went through many paradigms and self defined labels. It wasn’t until I was around 16 when I saw a thick indigo spine that just said, “Psychic Vampire Codex,” and I thought to myself, “the who does the what now?” I picked it up and started flipping through the pages… and I felt seen and heard for the first time since I heard Green Day. It was that same feeling of a rare connection that only those that have experienced it can understand or explain. Green Day talked about lost and broken love, youthful rebellion, and anxiety. The Codex talked about past lives, spiritual rebellion, and a deep hunger. They spoke a similar language and touched me deeply where others couldn’t dare to understand.

Stories Written in Flesh

Books, whether fiction or non-fiction, tell a story. History tells of events of the world, psychology tells of events of the mind, and Weird Fiction warns us of experimental science and the perils of hubris and not to pick up and read from the book in a language you cannot pronounce. So it is with people. Through the way we dress, we speak, we walk, and even think that changes these patterns, are all ways we tell our story. The Vampyre simply reads these stories and flips through the pages of interaction to see which ones they want more of. Some books we like the cover but not the contents, some books have a plain cover but tell the best stories, and some books have both a beautiful cover and an engaging story. Like with a book, we want to be gentle with older ones full of history in their composition itself. A leather bound hardback from the 19th Century has a lot to tell in its brittle pages, the ink fading from sun exposure, and maybe a coffee stain or two. This little book tells more than the ink.

The smell of old pages, the feel of stained paper, all speak to the senses of the book lover. We get a feel for the depth of history by these little marks of use. So we want to be gentle with our energy with older and more fragile folks. We don’t want to feed directly on them, even if we may be attracted to their history. We may gently get a read and acknowledge their wisdom and honor their time and experiences but we must have enough respect to do so kindly. Their scars like coffee stains, their words like ink, and each birthday a brittle chapter into the next. New books have more layers of protection, as well as be edited or reimagined stories. The paper is thicker and the ink lasts longer. The covers are more dynamic and their histories not as fleshed out. They have a vibrancy, though. They are colorful or plain, full of whimsy or neglect. Some stories are still being written:

Book 1 – you can learn of their character. 

Book 2 – you can learn of their adventures. 

Book 3 – you can learn of their deepest desires. 

Book 4 – you can be the Monster or the Mentor. 

Book 5 – how does this story end?

Rhythms in the Blood

Music is the lifeblood of many cultures. Indigenous people have been telling stories through song since before recorded history. Buddhism has Sanga where they chant together and Catholics have a choir where they sing praises to their god. Aboriginals have the didgeridoo, shamans often have drums made of animal skins and rattles made of bone or shells. Music is the rhythm of life, the call of ancestors, of gods, and of nature. It’s this rhythm I have always felt connected to and Vampyrism explained how it was a ground for Feeding on timeless energy. I remember my first Peace Pipe with our local indigenous shaman and the change in energy from a gathering of curious White folks to the call of the Medicine Wheel. It was my first group ritual and I sought something familiar ever since. It was different then a mosh pit or sparring session, it was a connection to each person’s divine energy, one that was never ending compared to the rise and fall of emotion.

My father played a lot of music around me when I was growing up. He’s the reason I picked up the guitar. Along with the guitar he also played the banjo, mandolin, and keyboard most often. It’s how I learned to sense the flow of energy. Our bodies have a natural rhythm, such as our circadian rhythm and the beat of our hearts. As a newly Awakened Vampyre I realized I was feeding from the concerts, local shows, and gatherings of musicians I was lucky enough to be raised around. Not to mention getting in heated political debates and sparring with friends and strangers alike. It was all a rhythm to abate my hunger. When I read of the Castes I was more than intrigued. I never aligned perfectly with any single one but felt the overall concept was quite helpful in my own life. What many books tell us about using magic and manipulating etheric currents, the Codex simplified. I didn’t have to enter trance to raise or take energy, I was already adept at it and could use what I already did naturally – cause a ruckus or make people laugh – and I would Feed on that. The Codex taught me how to control how and what I was absorbing.

I played in a few cacophonous punk bands and most of my friends were also in bands, so going to shows was part of my young life. The energy of a punk show is like nothing else. It’s raw, unfiltered rage. As I got older I would go to more house shows and the energy shifted to truly a sense of community. When I first read about Vampyric Houses, my first thought were the house shows I would go to or the dojo I was raised in. We sat around in living rooms and backyards drinking and talking, moshing and dancing if the house allowed it. Each house had a different name and a different vibe, although many of us were familiar with one another and the bands. We also had a few anarchist bookstores that had shows as well as meetups. Most houses were loose knit, but some took security (watchful punks) a bit more seriously, or the objective was protest to raise awareness, where others were just a place to drink and listen to live music. In the dojo, unlike punk shows, we had a hierarchy and gradients of learning. We had Hanshi (Grandmaster), Sensei (Head Instructor), Sempai (Student Instructor) and the rest of us. We had tests of knowledge and were awarded a certificate and new belt color upon completion of our demonstration. 

Epilogue

While I Awakened more than two decades ago it’s really only been the last 5 or so years I’ve cemented my sense of Vampyric Identity. Since I have been an active member of the Vampyre Coven I realize how much more there is to learn about the Vampyre Community, my place in the Current, and the depths of Becoming that I still need to explore. The impact of my exploration through the various aspects of the Vampyric Current has humbled me. As I approach one light there is yet another ahead, and although dim, it is alluring and beckons me to continue on my ever unfolding path of Awakening.