Coming out of the Coffin – What’s so bad about being a Vampyre?
Coming out of the Coffin, is a tongue-in-cheek play on coming out of the closet. Much like a queer individual comes out of the closet regarding their sexuality, a witch comes out of the broom closet when they start telling people they’re a witch, A Vampyre comes out of the coffin when they divulge that they are a Vampyre.
The Public Stigma against Vampyres
It’s not hard to see the stigma against people who identify as human living vampyres, in the mundane world and in the occult world. All around us is judgement for a myriad of reasons. Some of those reasons are valid AF. So, it’s hard to blame the public for seeing people for what they are… It’s just a shame that the shitty vampyres will forever overshadow those of us who exist in a practical, productive, and positive manner.
In the mundane world, your average joe hears “I’m a vampire” and doesn’t know what to make of it. They thing you’re full of shit and almost immediately either laugh, crack a joke, or say “yea okay” and keep it moving. Who could blame them? The immediate thoughts evoked are that we’re people who think we live in the Anne Rice universe or who watched too much underworld or twilight growing up. and that’s not always incorrect…
In the occult world, the psychic vampire is known as someone who drains your energy without warning. They are a person who sucks the life out of you, leaving you drained and exhausted. They’re more a parasite than a vampire, but the real vampyre community gets a bad reputation from the negative connotations ascribed to the psychic vampire by popular authors and occultists like Anton LaVey and Dion Fortune.
No matter where you turn, someone is probably going to judge you for being what you are… even within the confines of the Vampyre Community do people judge one another for feeling their vampyric nature differently than them. It’s a pain in the ass, really.
Regardless of this deep rooted stigma, there’s several reasons why someone would want to divulge their vampyric nature.
Perhaps you’re feeling as if you’re having an awakening and are looking to find help. Maybe you’ve found the vampyre community and are now looking to get involved. Maybe you’ve found some kindred spirits along the way and you’re ready to take the plunge. Maybe you see an organization you like and you want to pursue it. You found an event and you want to check it out. Suddenly you’re in a bunch of photographs from Vampyre Events and you want to post them or you’re being tagged in them and suddenly you’ve got your first public cord to the vampyre community. Perhaps your family sees you indulging in all this vampire stuff online. Will they question you? What will you tell them? Will your job see these posts and question you at all? What will you tell them? Will you be straight up public with it? Will you keep your family and career totally separate from this part of your life? If so, how? These questions are a series of questions every vampyre needs to contemplate and figure out the answers to. Every vampyre’s answers to these questions will be different. They may even change over time.
It’s very important for every vampyre to contemplate these questions not just for the time being right now, but make choices that will set your future up properly as well. If your life plans include sensitive career choices like politics, government, or military, you have a lot more reason to stay in the coffin than come out.
When you’re debating telling someone your nature,
there are many questions to ask yourself before you do so.
- What is the motivation for wanting to reveal yourself? For your benefit, or the other person’s?
- Is it crucial for the sustaining or progressing of the relationship? (Crucial as in: “I love you honey, but I just found out I’m your brother.”)
- If you feel that revealing yourself might put a rift in, or end the relationship, which is better: keeping the person or keeping the secret?
- Revealing yourself could jeopardize a relationship because the other person couldn’t accept you a a vampire. What is it about this person or relationship that means so much to you that you feel the need to keep such a secret?
- Would you deny or have to deny having vampire associates in order to keep your secret and relationship intact? If the answer is yes, could you live with that decision?
- How long can you foresee having to keep this secret? Would you be able to last the duration?¹
We’re working to destigmatize us, not turn us into a parlor trick or boil us down for entertainment value.
Although, you couldn’t tell by the way we’re portrayed on tiktok. They’re the modern day romantic vampyre, I suppose though. Lestats of the 2020s. There’s no need to tout your vampyric nature for shock value or to freak others out. Of course, some vampyres do love to feed of that type of reaction. But, it’s not conduscive to a “normal” life if that’s what you’re attempting to have. If you’re not around company who would understand, there’s truly no need to divulge the information. Does your family *really* need to know? Do all of your friends really need to know? Does it add anything to the friendship? Will they be understanding?
Why does it matter?
Coming out of the Coffin is something that’s taken a little more lightly than it used to once upon a time. The 2020s are a strange era of a broad spectrum of tolerance and intolerance that is unpredictably unstable. Witches are not only widely accepted now, but so fashionable you can buy witchcraft kits in craft stores and walmart. Yet, basic human rights seem to never be able to get respected? Anywho, that’s not the conversation we’re here for…
If you’re someone who is new to the alt/goth/vampyre scenes, or who came to the community through less traditional means, you may not grasp the implications that being publicly out as a vampyre can have on your life. I know people who have lost their careers, their children, their livelihoods, etc because the wrong person got hold of information about their vampyric lives and used it against them. It used to be commonplace for people to use one’s vampyric lifestyle as ammo in divorce and custody battles and it still happens today. Places of employment can get a hold of this information and use it to question your values and judgement depending on the type of career you choose. These are the reasons why the original Black Veil existed. It was a set of values to live by that also kept you safe. Discretion was about keeping you safe.
Discretion? Vampyres don’t seem very discreet…
Who am I to preach about discretion as one of the most publicly out there vampyres around? Well, I made a calculated life choice and risk to be this person. I chose an unorthodox life because I’ve been blessed with the opportunity and life circumstances to do so. I understood the implications it will have on my life and the trajectory of my future. Such choices should not be made lightly. Until certain stigma and stereotype is eliminated, there are a myriad of career fields I could never enter because of how public I am with my nature. That’s okay, I was never going to end up there anyways… but there are many people in the community who are government employees, law enforcement, active military, etc… and for things of that nature you tend to need to be more careful.
This is why nightside names are created before one dives too deep. This is prevalent in witch groups too. People assume nicknames that they use within their particular subculture spaces. Choosing one’s nightside name can be a deeply spiritual process that one embarks on to start utilizing a name that evokes their own sense of personal power…. but that’s a post for another day.
I hope this post can shed a little light on the depth of contemplation one should utilize before stepping forth out of the coffin.
It is a decision that can have a heavy cost depending on the trajectory of your life. Choose your path with caution.
sources:
¹- “Confiding or Confessing” – by Lord Donald Vladescu via Handbook: Coming out by Sanguinarius
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